


Don't Wanna Hold You Back

by PeachSweet



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, M/M, Memories, Self-Hatred, Zombie Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-07-08 05:05:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15923456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeachSweet/pseuds/PeachSweet
Summary: Hyunjin remembers six things before he's brought back to the presentAlternatively, a continuation of 'Still Together.' after Jeongin is gone and all Hyunjin has left is memories.





	Don't Wanna Hold You Back

**Author's Note:**

> title from the rose's baby
> 
> this might be the last skz fic for a lil bit and ofc i had to go out with an angsty one. i have been sitting on this for a while, the fic has been done for a while and the idea came to me while writing the first one. anyways, i hope you guys like this one.

The first memory Hyunjin dares to remember is the day before, how he and Jeongin had sat side by side as Chan had tiredly stumbled through the plans, their leader having not gotten any slept the nights before as he stutters, clumsily assigning Jeongin and Hyunjin to the supply run where usually it’d be Minho and Hyunjin.

 

Looking back now, Hyunjin wonders if that had been a mistake, a slip of the tongue. Looking at Chan now, he thinks that maybe he’s right, that maybe the leader had meant to put Jeongin on organizing duty with Seungmin like he always did.

 

At first, Hyunjin blames him, silently seethes until he tells himself that if he had been better at his own job, nothing would have happened. He stops seething then, stops boiling and instead decides to think back onto something better.

 

* * *

 

The second memory that surfaces is something much farther back, something that hurts more than the first.

 

He remembers when they first met Jeongin, when it was just Hyunjin and Seungmin and there was no one else. He remembers how Seungmin nearly bashed Jeongin’s brains in, thinking he was one of the dead, how terrified the younger had been for months afterward because of it.

 

Hyunjin had stopped Seungmin then, had saved Jeongin then, and he realizes that’s the only time he’s ever been able to save Jeongin from something. He wonders if it would have been better if he hadn’t stopped Seungmin, if the pain wouldn’t have been as bad as it is now.

 

He realizes it would have been worse quickly, realizes that letting Seungmin kill Jeongin that first time would have been so much worse.

 

* * *

 

The third memory is less painful, but it brings more regret with it than Hyunjin would like to admit.

 

He remembers when he had finally come to terms with his feelings for their maknae. It had been just days after Jisung’s death and at the time, he had felt bad, felt even worse as he accidentally spilled to Minho.

 

“Getting attached only ends in heartbreak.” Minho had said, so sure of himself at the time that Hyunjin had been tempted to listen. Hyunjin, only a year younger than he is now, had thought that maybe Minho was right, that maybe he shouldn’t confess and maybe he should push away those feelings, save the potential heartbreak.

 

Hyunjin now, wonders if that had been the better route to go with. If listening to Minho would have been the best thing to do, but Hyunjin had never been the type of person who could just let go of feelings that easily and so he didn’t.

 

Instead, Hyunjin confessed a few days later, and a tentative relationship began between him and Jeongin.

 

* * *

 

The next one is one of before Jisung had died, one that makes Hyunjin realize that Jisung had been the reason he had confessed.

 

Jisung had been on his deathbed, Hyunjin and Jeongin tasked with taking care of him for the day. Hyunjin had made Jeongin stay outside of the room Jisung was in, taking things back and forth while Hyunjin stayed inside of the room with Jisung.

 

“Hyung, is it selfish not to regret being with Minho?” The younger had asked, voice croaky as he looked up at Hyunjin, eyes looking lifeless and skin devoid of colour.

 

“Of course not Jisungie.” He had murmured and Jisung smiled, weak but real, and had began to talk about how happy Minho made him, how he felt that it was worth it even if the sadness that came with him dying hurt so much more.

 

A few weeks later, Jisung had died and Hyunjin had confessed to Jeongin with the memory of what Jisung had said swarming his thoughts.

 

* * *

 

The fifth is a memory of a conversation Hyunjin and Woojin had, where Hyunjin had spilled his guts and his heart to the older.

 

“I don’t know what I’ll do if he leaves.” Hyunjin had confessed, sobbing to the older as Woojin rubbed his back, trying to help even out the younger’s breathing.

 

“Jeongin won’t leave, we won’t let him, he’s our maknae and he’s too young to leave.” Woojin had said, so sure of himself that Hyunjin really, truly believed him. “He won’t leave Jinnie-yah, he won’t.”

 

Hyunjin wonders if Woojin’s words were the reason he wasn’t afraid as they left for the supply run that day. He doesn’t blame Woojin though, not like he had blamed Chan at first, instead he just blamed himself for believing such a flimsy promise.

 

* * *

 

 

The sixth is the worst, the sixth is the most recent and the sixth is the most heart wrenching.

 

When he had returned to camp that day, Changbin had been the one to greet him, had been the first to find him carrying their maknae’s body in his arms. The older had the shortest temper out of all of them, even Seungmin and Minho who could be mean almost constantly or Jeongin who pushed them all away when the babied him too much and always yelled over everyone to be heard.

 

Changbin was still the worst, because while Minho and Seungmin meant it all in good fun and Jeongin still loved all of them and loved how nice they were to him, Changbin often meant what he said.

 

Changbin’s yelling had alerted the others, his insults had worried them, and it all teared Hyunjin up. 

 

Felix had been the only one who could tear Changbin away, the rest too busy sobbing over another lost member of their little group.

 

Hyunjin still thinks the words that Changbin had said that day were true, and sometimes Hyunjin thinks that Changbin does too.

 

* * *

 

“Hyunjin, you gotta get some fresh air.” Felix says, sitting at the end of Hyunjin’s bed as the older refuses to acknowledge him, lost in whatever new memory has come up. “Hyunjin please, it’s been days, Jeongin wouldn’t-”

 

“Jeongin doesn’t want anything, he’s dead.” Hyunjin says blankly and Felix flinches back at his tone at first before quickly returning to his earlier stance.

 

“Maybe, but he wouldn’t have wanted for you to be like this.” Felix says, standing up and grabbing Hyunjin’s arm, dragging the older out of bed. “Jeongin may be dead but that doesn’t mean you get a pass now. We need your help and even if you wanna say a part of you died with Jeongin you’re still here and you still have people that need you, so get up.”

 

Felix finishes his little speech with a final tug, pulling Hyunjin out of bed and beginning to guide him out the door, his hand barely fitting around Hyunjin’s wrist where Jeongin’s easily could. Still, the younger’s grip does not falter as he brings Hyunjin outside, drags him out and makes him help the others out, standing over Hyunjin’s shoulder the whole time.

 

Later that night, Hyunjin realizes that he didn’t think up anymore memories all day.


End file.
